After nearly twenty years of calling myself Lucinda Slater, I decided that the time was right to reclaim my maiden name of Osmond. I am glad to say that this was not due to any change in my marital status, which I think was actually strengthened by my husband’s positive if slightly teasing reaction to my announcement. ‘You can call yourself anything you want!’ he said, as he laughed at my visible anxiety.
My reason in part was due to my wanting to publish my family memoir under my family name. That just made sense. Adopting that name for everything else in my life made sense too. I did not want to have a pen name and a real name. That would cause all sorts of problems.
Discussing my plan with my married female friends was enlightening. Several admitted a sense of resentment at their sisters-in-law having the birth name they themselves had given up. Others said that they had never felt attached to their married name.
The reason I had changed my name in the first place was to make life easier for my children. I felt that children had enough to cope with without their mum having a different surname to theirs. Now that my children are grown up, that reason no longer holds water, if in fact it ever did. I think on reflection that children are fine with complicated, as long as it is properly explained.
This is clearly a topical subject. The Guardian canvassed opinion in an article on this topic, asking whether women regretted their change of name on marriage. I have no regrets, I don’t live my life like that. I prefer Julia Cameron’s philosophy (The Artist’s Way):
We arrive at clarity, and clarity creates change.
How has it been? It feels strangely exciting, and even now, some months later, it still feels thrilling to give or write my real name. Telling family and friends of my decision has been the easy bit. Changing those key identity documents like my passport and driving licence have caused me to negotiate some minor administrative hurdles. It took three phone calls to the passport office for them to get clear on what supporting documentation they needed. Their requirements seemed based on the assumption that any woman reverting to her maiden name must be getting divorced.
My advice to anyone thinking of doing it, is to do it by Deed Poll, and to change your bank accounts first as the passport office requires proof that you are currently using the new name. This is tricky to prove, if like me, every document is in your married name.
Now that I have done it, what has amazed me is how beautiful a feeling it is to be reconnected with the name of my birth. I realise how much I had missed it.
